


Feathers

by Zummar



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-05 13:55:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11579421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zummar/pseuds/Zummar
Summary: Dean does what he believe is necessary to protect Cas





	Feathers

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first ever fanfic. Pretty much my first ever writing but I think it came out OK and I hope You will enjoy it.
> 
> Conversation prompt: “I told you I didn’t want you here” “I know, I’m here anyway. What are you going to do about it?”  
> This was written for a challenge on Tumblr "love the ships" by waywardjoy
> 
> There is a independent continuation to this that is called "Breakfast" which will be posted soon.

Dean knew right away that Castiel was in the bunker again, he had felt the vibration from the closing door as it echoed down the corridor. Why was he here?

 

Dean leaned against the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, watching as the angel slowly walked up the few steps to the library. Castiel looked beat, his shoulders drooping, his head turned down and eyes fixed on the floor.

 

”I told you that I didn’t want you here,” Dean said harshly.

Castiel flinched at the sound of the words reverberating throughout the room. Dean could almost feel how the angel wanted him to look at him and a painful sting shot right through him as he met Castiel’s pleading eyes. It ached, but he had made up his mind; he was not going to go down that path ever again. Not after what had happened.

 

Castiel took a trembling breath as he moved closer to where Dean was standing. Dean shifted position slightly so he wasn’t facing the other man as much as before. There were too many feelings coiled up and he just couldn’t handle that right now.

 

”Dean,” the angel’s voice quivered as he spoke ”Can we ta–”

 

”No,” Dean interrupted ”No…we don’t, it’s better we don’t…”

 

Castiel sank crestfallen into the nearest chair, arms on the table in front of him and his head in his hands. Dean, still leaning against the doorway, watched reluctantly as the man’s shoulders began to shake. Was he…crying? Dean felt panic rising, he had to get out of there, this was way too much.

 

Though he might consider himself tough, he could feel his eyes burning. As the first tear tumbled down his cheek, he turned and hurried out into the corridor towards his room. He knew that being in the same place as Castiel, even in the same room would make it impossible to stay strong. He needed to keep his distance, however much it would take.

 

Just as he turned a corner he slammed right into his brother. The books that Sam had been carrying were thrown out of his arms and he cried out, ”Hey! Man, watch…” Sam stopped when he saw the look of his brother’s face. ”What’s the matter, Dean?”

 

‘Oh, God…’ Dean felt sick knowing that his brother saw him like this.

 

He cleared his throat and tried to wipe his eyes without Sam noticing, which of course was a hopeless task. His brother had already seen the tears and his altogether frustrated posture, and no one knew him better than Sam did.

 

”Nothing, it’s all fine…” he said in futile attempt to get Sam off his case.

 

Sam looked at him in disbelief, ”Come on, Dean! What is it? Why are you upset?”

 

”I’m not, I’m…” his voice gave way ”Just let me…I need to, ehum, sorry…sorry ‘bout the books.” He carelessly stepped over the mess and rushed to his room, leaving Sam both concerned and confused in the hallway.

 

Sam shook his head as he picked up the books and continued his way to the library, just to find Castiel at one of the tables staring unseeingly in front of him.

”Cas?”

 

”Oh…Hi, Sam…” The angel absentmindedly stroked a hand over his face as he turned toward Sam who had placed the stack of books in front of him as he sat down across the table.

 

”Uhm…are you okay, Cas?” There was a troubled crease in Sam’s forehead.

 

”No…” Castiel sighed and sank even deeper into his seat.

 

”Why? What happened?” He wanted to ask what happened between him and Dean but he hesitated, wanting Castiel to explain at his own pace.

 

”I…” Castiel sighed again, fixating his eyes on something in the far distance ”I…don’t really know, I did something stupid, I guess..” Another deep sigh. ”Your brother doesn’t even want me here anymore.” Castiel looked at Sam, the wretched look in his eyes making Sam feel uneasy

”Tell me what happened?”

 

Cas shifted position in his chair as he began to talk. Slowly, and a bit reluctantly, he confessed to his friend that a few nights ago, when Sam had been away, Dean and he ended up in Dean’s room for a movie.

 

”So?…this is what you two do, it’s nothing new…” Sam cut in.

 

Cas took a deep breath as he felt the harsh pain of the memories washing over him.

 

”I know, it’s just…I…ehum…I love him, Sam,” it came out as nothing more than a whisper, and the angel swallowed hard and looked anxiously down at the table. He didn’t see the small ”I knew it”-smile on his friend’s face, a smile that faded when Sam recalled his friend’s agony.

 

”But isn’t that a good thing? I mean, he feels the same thing…right?”

 

”Yes, that seems to be the case…because,” he tilted his head slightly and cleared his throat,” when we were sitting there I accidentally touched his hand, and he didn’t pull away, he let me have my hand against his and…”He stopped, it was like he couldn’t find the words, like they were stuck somewhere mid air and wouldn’t be uttered. He felt ashamed and wrongfully accused at the same time and he couldn’t really understand Dean’s reaction to be honest.

 

”I was curious, okay?!” Cas said defensively as he sat up straighter. ”I wanted to know for sure, I wanted to know that it wasn’t a mistake, that him not moving his hand meant something…so I,” he stroked the nape of his neck, ”I sensed him.” He blushed. 

 

Sam looked puzzled, a deep frown on his face. ”You sensed him?…what does that even mean?”

 

Cas fidgeted in his chair. ”I mean, like when I check on you guys for internal injuries, I can do that to sense true feelings too…I’ve never done it before, but I can…” He slumped back in his seat again and looked down at his lap.

 

”Oh.” Sam leaned back into his chair contemplating what the angel just said. ”So…what happened then?”

 

”I kissed him.”

 

”Okay? But he didn’t want you to, or…?” Sam was really confused. He already knew what these two really felt for one another. He got that his brother being human and Cas being an angel might make it difficult for both of them to admit it but there was no doubt in Sam’s mind what was developing between them.

 

”Oh, no..it’s not that…he seemed very much into it…at first.” Cas blushed again. ”But then…I don’t know…he pushed me away, and told me to leave.” Sam could see tears rising in Cas’ eyes. ”He told me to never come back.”Cas gave Sam a quick glance before turning his head to blink the tears away.

 

Dean was sitting on his bed, back against the wall, feet and legs resting on top of the covers, just like he had been sitting that night when Castiel was there with him. He could almost feel the angel beside him. Dean looked at his hand, where it lay on the bed the same way as it had that night. He closed his eyes, remembering Castiel’s hand against his and the jolt of warmth that had suddenly shot from the angel’s hand, right into his heart. He reminisced the way he had leaned in and softly kissed Dean. The taste of the angel’s lips against his, the soft sound of his hand touching the bristles along Dean’s jaw. It had been total bliss, like nothing he had ever experienced before.

 

But then…that was when everything he had ever feared about loving the angel seemed to come true.

 

He had opened his eyes and stiffened.

 

The angel’s wings had been unfolding to surround them both. At first, Dean had been touched by the gesture, then he realized how the feathers were falling like cold winter snow around them. For every new kiss Castiel gave him, more feathers seemed to have dropped from his wings and slowly float down towards the floor and bed.

 

The words from another angel had begun echoing in his mind, ”The moment he laid a hand on you in hell, he was lost.”

 

Dean had choked. What if…he couldn’t even finish that train of thoughts, he just knew he needed Cas to get out of there.

 

He had shoved Castiel off him, almost making the angle fall off the bed.

 

”You need to go!”

 

Castiel had been looking very confused by the sudden change in Dean’s demeanor as he regained his balance. ”Why? What happened??”

 

”Go, just…go!” Dean had turned his back to the angel when putting his feet on the cold floor. His insides trembling with agony.

 

”Dean, I’m sorry…I really thought you wanted…” Castiel had tried to place a hand on Dean’s shoulder, but was shrugged off as Dean stood up.

 

”I want..” Dean’s voice had failed him so he cleared his throat and with newfound determination said ”No, just go. You need to leave!”

 

Castiel had gotten off the bed and with a distraught look he had tried to catch Dean’s eyes.

”I don’t understand…? Dean, please!”

 

Dean had looked at Castiel one last time as he walked towards the door with unwilling steps. Dean wanted to stop him, but instead he had laid a hand on the angel’s shoulder and with mild force he had pushed him out into the hallway.

 

Castiel had tried to say something, plead with him to not do this but Dean had made up his mind. ”Just. Go. Away.” he could still reminisce that horrible and nauseating feeling he had felt as he closed the door in front of the angel.

 

“Just go…I” he had said through the door. Never had anything hurt as much as this. and he had taken a He took a deep breath before continuing, “I…don’t…want you here, okay?” The sensation of his head against the hard surface of the door still lingered.

 

He had heard the angel sigh, “But I don’t understand?” out in the hallway.

 

There had been several minutes until he heard Castiel walking away.

 

He had sunk down to the floor, back against the door when the first tear had rolled over his face, this was the hardest thing he had ever had to do, but he couldn’t jeopardize Castiel, it was better for him to believe that he didn’t want him, than having him and truly ruining him.

 

Really, hadn’t he know this all along? Known, that whatever he felt for Castiel he should’ve just let it be, that loving him would make the angel fall even further, that he would make him lose everything? The angel might be ‘lost’, but at least he wasn’t broken, not if Dean could stop it!

 

Dean woke up from his thoughts by a knock on his door. He tried to straighten his face as he got up to open it.

 

“Sam…What do you..?”

 

He was interrupted by his brother. “I met Cas…”

 

Dean moved out of Sam’s way and walked over to sit down on the bed again. “Okay…?”

 

“Dean! He is devastated. What happened? Why did you push him away?”

 

“So, he told you about that.” It was more of a statement than a question.

 

“Yes. And I’m pretty sure that there’s more to this than he knows.” Dean could tell Sam was upset underneath his calm exterior. His brother looked at him as he took a couple of deep breaths and recounted what Castiel had told him.

 

Dean leaned forward, placing his arms on his knees, hands clutched in front of him.

 

“You don’t understand…” He looked down at his hands to avoid looking at his brother.

 

“No, I really don’t understand! …you two, you…I mean, don’t tell me you don’t love him, too?”

The light seeping through the gap of the doorway was the only source of light in the room except for the small lamp on Dean’s nightstand, making the mood of the place rather gloomy.

 

“I do, it’s not that, can’t you see?” Dean threw up his hands in frustration. “I did it because I love him!”

 

“How does THAT make any sense?”

 

“I saw him fall apart!” Dean almost shouted at his brother in a moment of exasperation.

 

Sam sat in silence for a moment, the chair creaking when he leaned back and crossed his arms. “Fall apart?”

 

“His wings, I saw his wings lose their feathers, one by one…for every kiss. I couldn’t do that to him, make him lose his wings, for me. What if I am the thing that will make him weak?” The anger was gone, replaced with the sound of despair.

 

Sam left his brother on the bed and walked back to the main room in the hope of finding the angel there. Castiel was as Sam had left him, slumped in his chair, staring blindly at the ceiling.

 

“Cas.”

 

The angel turned towards the sound.

 

“You need to talk to him…”

 

“I told you, I’ve tried but he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.”

 

Sam sighed as he sat down at the table “Cas…he thinks he’s protecting you, that’s why.”

 

Castiel sat up straight. “Protecting me from what?” His hands clutched the arms of the chair.

 

“He saw your wings fall apart. He’s afraid that it’s his fault, that you showing your love for him will make you weak.”

 

Cas didn’t even bother to knock before entering Dean’s room. He found him lying on the bed.

 

“Dean…” Cas sat down behind Dean, placing one hand on his arm. He could feel the man on the bed flinch under his touch.

 

“I told you that I didn’t want you here.” Dean’s voice was barely audible.

 

“I know, I’m here anyway. What are you going to do about it?” Dean turned over on his back. To his surprise the angel was smiling. “You don’t have to worry, I’m not going to lose my wings over you.”

 

“But I saw…and it got worse with every kiss.”

 

Cas smiled even brighter as he leaned in over Dean to give him a kiss. “Sometimes angels sheds their wings when exposed to stressful and emotional situations.” He gave him another small kiss and looked him straight in the eyes with a smile. “And human emotions, they’re a powerful thing, my love.”


End file.
